She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
