we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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