that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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