Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
