just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize