I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize