could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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