Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
