You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
