can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
