Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
