I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
