It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
