New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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