1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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