is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
