We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize