I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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