Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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