I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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