Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
