I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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