I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
