i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
