I feel great
I just peed on a car
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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