Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
