just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
