i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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