I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
