Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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