I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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