So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
