It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Michael Bay diarrhea
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
