Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
