hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
