I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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