I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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