You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
