Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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