So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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