I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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