Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
