he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
