I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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