i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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