I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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