i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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