i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
