note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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