Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So much Jack, so little girl.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
