You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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