I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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