I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just high enough for therapy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
