just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
