sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
