my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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