you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
