i would punch a child for taco bell
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
