Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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