ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
