Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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