i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
