Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
