i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
