I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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