So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
