two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
