I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
