I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There's even glitter on my cock...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
