Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ladies don't puke and tell
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
