The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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