wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
