She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize