neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
