He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
