What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
